Nichi asked me if I thought that the current situation would change attitudes to marriage and here’s what I had to say”
“Covid has definitely focussed the minds of couples who were due to get married - we all know that it's easy to get wrapped up in planning 'the perfect day' from the wow factor floral arrangements to the tiny details and every line of the day's schedule. I can absolutely understand why people want such a momentous day to be absolutely extraordinary. However, in all that, it's always just been a given that you'll be able to hug your mum or have your grandparents in attendance or been able to invite any number of friends and family. Covid has totally destroyed that certainty for people - if your parents are elderly for example, are you really going to want to put them at risk by going ahead with your day but can you really countenance a day without them?”
“I think, for the majority of couple's that I've spoken to about their weddings, particularly those who have postponed, there's a heightened sense that it's the people and the human interactions that are the most important things. Will this change back again when all this is behind us? I don't know - I think that this has been enough of a shock to everyone's perceptions that some things, the really important things like being able to see your family, won't be taken for granted for a long while yet. Couples have even cancelled their weddings, and lost money, because the thought of going ahead without their family just isn't acceptable.”
“Couples are definitely starting to see a separation between the legal act of marriage and the celebrations around it. This is a big shift because for so long, the legal marriage and the party have always been on the same day. Now, couples are much more open to the idea of having a legal ceremony at some point and then celebrating with their friends and family, possibly with a celebrant to lead another ceremony, at another time. Some of this is being prompted by the worry that, with essentially two years-worth of couples getting married next year, there simply won't be enough registrar spots available to service every wedding request but also that some couples don't want to wait to be legally married so they'll do that soon and then look forward to 'the wedding celebrations' a bit later.”
“For some couples, this is a really practical issue - they don't want to delay the legal wedding for lots of reasons (starting a family, IVF, house/job moves around the country/world) but they don't want to forgo the party entirely either. So, by separating the marriage from the wedding, they know they're married and life hasn't had to pause indefinitely but they can also look forward to a big celebration. Lots of brides described that - the fact that Covid has essentially put their lives on pause because their wedding/marriage was such a stepping stone to the next part of their lives. So, by seeing the two elements in isolation, they're able to begin to move on without giving anything up.”
“I do think that this has been a bit of a wake-up call for lots of people. It's easy to place value on how much we earn and the things we have and our status in the world but, when it comes to it, it's our relationships that we really cherish. Most people, when they look back at this period, are likely to talk about how hard it was to not see others and they'll remember how important it was to have someone by their side to love and support them. Humans need other humans and frankly, if you can get through lockdown with your partner and make it out the other side still loving them, that's probably a pretty good indication that you're a good pairing. Commitment is about the good times and the bad times and this has been one hell of a bad time and I do think there's a sense of 'well, if we can get through this, we can get through anything'!”
